Life is a Joke - Must Read Sept 15, 2006 16:32:52 GMT 5.5
Post by Ashok Harsana on Sept 15, 2006 16:32:52 GMT 5.5
;D When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
;D What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men's Ego everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
;D Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
;D Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance?
;D Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I said to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
;D Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
;D Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer, Cheers
;D Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
;D When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
;D If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
;D Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
;D A computer once beat me at chess, but it couldnt beat me at kick boxing.
;D How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits He is lost?
;D There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side.
;D Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
;D If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
;D The road to success is always under construction.
;D Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
;D Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
;D Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till you cross the river.
;D Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
;D There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
;D If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
;D All generalizations are false, including this one.
;D "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757
;D Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
;D I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
;D Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
;D I don’t suffer stress. I am a carrier.
;D What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
;D Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
;D Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
;D Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
;D Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
;D When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
;D On the other hand, you have different fingers.
;D When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
;D Please, God, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
;D If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
;D If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me
;D Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Cheers
;D If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
;D It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With a hunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.
;D How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
;D How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a Sardar, There is a postal stamp on it.
;D I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark...
;D My wife had her drivers test that day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped safely out of her way.
;D I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
;D My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
;D I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
;D My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
;D My friend worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens
;D Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D